15. Masculine vs Feminine Energy: How to Soften Without Losing Your Strength

Many women aren’t “too masculine”, they’re in survival mode.

In this episode of the Fitness With Jade Podcast, I break down why so many high-achieving, independent women lean into masculine energy, how trauma and life experiences shape this pattern, and how to soften into your feminine without losing your drive, ambition, or power.

If you’ve ever felt:

• hyper-independent and always “on”
• drained by over-functioning in relationships
• uncomfortable receiving help or slowing down
• stuck in control, logic, and productivity mode
• disconnected from softness, intuition, or ease

…this episode is for you.

If you’re a woman navigating fitness, motherhood, ambition, relationships, or personal growth — and you want to feel grounded, magnetic, and emotionally regulated — this conversation will meet you exactly where you are.

Transcript

 You are listening to the Fitness with Jade podcast, where I discuss all things wellness, fitness, lifestyle, helping you to become that girl, the version of yourself you've always wanted to be. And I know that it sounds like this is just a fitness channel, but it is much, much more than that. And today we'll be talking about how to lean into your feminine when you naturally lead into your masculine.

So I'm one of these women and it's something I am actively trying to fix because it's. Impeding on my life. Quality. Quality of life. So if a woman feels like she's been living in a masculine and then wants to shift into her feminine, because the goal isn't to fix her, you know, 'cause we're not, we don't need fixing, obviously, it's to help her soften.

And the reason we want you to soften is because it's actually survival patterns that have made you masculine. So we need to try and recalibrate that. It's not a character overhaul, it's not changing who you are. It's just softening you, like when a fruit becomes ripe. And that kind of sounded very sexualized.

But anyway, I digress. Actually, the Christmas season, I'm recording this, uh, on the 10th and it's gonna be out probably tomorrow. Uh, it is a Christmas season. Uh, so I need to do my Christmas shopping. I don't know about you guys, but I'm. Haven't started. I'm very, very good at leaving things last minute.

Literally how I get by in life. So, wishing you all a merry Christmas because I'm not sure if I'll get another episode out before Christmas hits and I'm really, really excited for the new year. 'cause I feel like there's a lot of good things to come. Also, a little side note, if I'm sounding a little bit lispy, it's 'cause I've gotten, it's not Invisalign, it's called like angel.

Line or angel, something is like similar to a misalign and I'm still learning how to speak again. So it's, I'm like a child. I'm like a little, a little fetus that's trying to learn how to speak. So I apologize if it sounds a bit funny, my voice, but you know, you'll get over it. You'll get used to it. And as usual, before we begin, I'm gonna have a quick shout out to my sponsor, which is Ruby Indoor Cycling.

They have all the Ironman 70.3 and full Ironman courses on their program. It's extremely useful for those doing triathlon or for those who want to spin on their indoor trainer, use discount code Jade, JADE. Pretty simple to receive. Five weeks free to test Ruby out. I also need proper fueling both pre and post-race and body sign.

Supplements are a game changer for me. I usually am extremely picky with protein powder and bars, but I love their high protein vanilla blend and mose style bars. I'm also addicted to their mellow bars at the moment too. The caramel one mm delicious. shop@bodysigns.com au and use discount code BSC. 20 for 20% off products.

I have left a link and code in the description box below, and as many of you know, I create UGC content that moves for brands in fitness, wellness, travel, and lifestyle spaces. I have left my portfolio down below for anyone who wants to work with me. Send me an email and let's collab. Now, a little tidbit about me is I used to work in a very masculine field.

I was a police officer, newly retired two in September I retired. You know, congratulations to me. I'm a retired girly, so I used to work in this job that was extremely, extremely male orientated and it, the hours, the work, everything about it just screams man. But I was drawn to it 'cause I've always had this interest in like the macab and like the darkest side of humanity.

I love. People say they get into the police force to help people. I, I didn't, I, I got in because I am obsessed with, I wanted to get into homicide and I just wanted to, you know, start solving crimes and dealing with death. That was the thing that was really drawing me into that space. Obviously, that job, because the expectations and the way that you work is very much like a man.

Like even when I had Lily, for example, my daughter. I was back to work full time after three months. I didn't take a year of mat leave, and it's because I had this masculine work ethic and this masculine ethos that really doesn't suit the feminine. And don't get me wrong, I'm not saying there can't be female police officers.

There are a lot of successful police officers that are female. I also feel like there is a need for them in terms of communicating with criminals and that kind of thing. It definitely helps and it's definitely needed. However, I feel like the space that you're working in isn't designed for females. And the reason I feel this is important is because a lot of the time women that are kind of stuck in their masculine have experienced some form of hardship, or they have experienced some form of trauma, and this is like the survival mechanism.

So obviously the police wouldn't have helped with that. And then I've also had some other life events that definitely have contributed to that, which I will get into later in this podcast. Let's define masculine and feminine. Before we can start talking about it, we really need to get down to the crux of what they both are.

And obviously both males and females have masculine and feminine qualities, and just because you've got more of one doesn't mean that you are, you know, a different sex. It just means that you've got masculine traits, you've got feminine traits. So what is masculine? What is masculine energy? So action orientated.

So there's a focus on doing, achieving and solving problems, structure and control. So prefers planning, organizing, and managing outcomes. Then they're also logic driven. So makes decisions from analysis rather than intuition or emotion, independent and self-reliance. So feels responsible for results and takes charge often and focused on goals and results.

So thrives on progress, efficiency and measurable success. So. In a nutshell, masculine energy is about strength, direction, and then creation through action. That's why they like physical jobs. That's why it's always a physical masculine thing, isn't it? Trades and that kind of thing, and it's protective and driving, but overuse of it can leave to overthinking, being really rigid and also disconnecting from the self and others.

Now feminine energy is about being orientated, so you focus on the presence, the flow and connection rather than just doing so you are doing things because of how it makes you feel essentially, or like how you're feeling in the moment, being receptive and allowing, so you are open to receiving help, guidance, and experiences.

Intuition driven. So you make decisions from the gut, feelings, emotions, and body wisdom. So again, it's all about the feelings. It's not about logical mind. Collaborative and rational. So values, connection, trust, and relationships. So there's a higher value on them when you have more in your feminine and creative and expressive.

So you thrive on inspiration, adaptability, and emotional authenticity. So feminine energy is about softness, it's about flow and creation through presence and being receptive. Overuse. So can lead to being too passive or indecisive. But then when you balance it with masculine energy, it's. It's when it becomes magnetic, resilient, and empowering.

So that's why they say the male and the females zinging and the yang like one can't exist without the other. Now, after I've discussed a lot of those traits, I know a lot of you'll be thinking, well, I have a lot of masculine energy. 'cause at work you might be very action orientated or independent or logic driven.

'cause you could be a surgeon or a lawyer or something like that. Something that isn't very feminine, it's more on the masculine leading and that's completely normal and that's completely fine. It's about finding that balance. So I know a lot of women. In their work, and especially in careers, you have to be masculine to get ahead most of the time.

You know, in terms of if you've got employees or making business decisions like that is a very masculine space and it is very healthy to be in that space. But then it's, it's counteracting with your femininity. So when you're at home and you're relationships or doing things for your. Or with your friends, you are more leaning into the feminine and just say for instance, you don't work yet, you're a stay at home mom.

Like that'd be more, you're feminine then, but then you might have a hobby, you might, you know, like to run or you participate in a sport and then the masculine would come out more so in that area. So there's always going a balance, but it's making sure you are balanced and you're not leaning more towards one than the other, especially when you're a female and you're leaning more towards the masculine rather than the feminine.

So next up I'm gonna be talking about why some women lean towards masculine and then we are gonna discuss how we can change. 'cause we don't wanna fix because they don't need fixing how they're gonna change and try and lean more towards the feminine. And these are all points I know personally I'm going to have to implement.

'cause I've definitely got a very, uh, masculine way about dealing with things and I need to get that changed. I would personally like to get it changed anyway 'cause I feel like it's gonna make my life a lot easier. Let's talk about why do some women lean towards masculine? The reason that some women do lean in towards masculine energy is because of what life is demanded of them, not because it's what they truly are at their core.

And if you've been independent, hyper capable, always on. You will recognize some of these patterns instantly. So survival mode trains you to be masculine. If you grew up needing to handle everything yourself, whether it be emotionally, financially, or physically, you then naturally develop this hyper independence control logic over emotion and constant forward motion.

And all of these like have said. Is masculine energy, it's protective, it's armor. Yeah. Then masculine energy feels safer than vulnerability. So then letting someone lead after being this way and then trusting, softening, it requires safety. And that's not something that these people usually feel. And a lot of women simply just haven't experienced consistent emotional safety, so they've just stayed in their masculine as a shield.

Also what happens is achievement becomes identity. Because we live in a world which is, I guess a masculine world where we are rewarded for hustling. So we're rewarded for our goals, our grind, our efficiency, and our results. And if a woman's self-worth is built on these things, she'll lean more into a masculine 'cause she feels like it's progress.

Another thing that kind of pushes someone into their masculine unnaturally is past relationships. So this will can force women into masculine roles, and it's done so when the partner is inconsistent, ungrounded, or emotionally immature. So she's had to organize everything, stabilize the relationship, be the emotional container, and has to make all the decisions that keeps her in this forward motion, energy, and this masculine energy.

Another reason is that she was never shown how to be feminine or what feminine leadership is. If all she's seen is burnt out, overworked women who then held this household an emotional load together, she'll then copy it. And another reason is it's literally just a response of not being held. So when a woman says, I don't need anyone, usually it means depending on someone who's hurt me before, so I am not gonna do it again and again.

This is when the masculine energy steps in and. Fills the gaps. Now, of course there is genuine masculine leading, and this is, this can happen when a woman feels more comfortable in a grounded and structured directive energy, but it is without costing her softness, connection, and nervous system at the same time.

So again, it's about that balance that we've been talking about. So signs that your masculine energy is genuine and not a trauma response, you'll be decisive and not defensive. You can lead but can also let go when someone trustworthy shows up. Goals energize you. They don't drain you. You're assertive, not reactive, and you don't feel guilty for resting.

You just prefer to be moving, doing things. This usually comes when women are wired with strong analytical thinking. They might have a naturally high drive. They have comfort with their logic over emotion, and then they had this desire to build, problem, solve and create. So it's not a trauma response. It's not from past negative experiences or failure to learn how to evoke their feminine.

Trauma driven masculine energy. On the other hand, is when a woman sits in her masculine 'cause she's never felt safe enough to stay in her feminine. This is the armor. This is the thing that we need to break down and signs that it's trauma driven, controlling 'cause you're scared of what will happen if you don't.

Hyper independence. Resistance to receiving. So resistance to support, gifts or praise, emotional numbness or shutdown. Irritability when someone asks her to slow down or soften over-functioning in relationships or being the strong one even when they're exhausted. And this can come from being let down by caregivers or partners, having to parent herself or siblings experiences of vulnerability being punished in the past, betrayal, abandonment, and inconsistency.

And then environments with femininity, equaled weakness or chaos. And for me, I feel like I've experienced a lot of these things I've just listed. So an environment where femininity equals weakness. Victoria Police, that is definitely a workplace where that is the case. Also, before that I worked at, uh, community Corrections.

I worked at Department of Justice, and that was another environment where femininity equaled weakness. My ex-partner too. I had a massive betrayal with that in terms of, yeah, massive, massive betrayal. And then yeah, having to go to family law court, lots and lots of crap that happened with that too. And then ending up really essentially being a single mom for a little bit, and them only saying.

Their daughter every second weekend. So that like that was an unstable relationship and like breakdown. So we have all of that. And then also I had a dad that would always travel. So my dad always would travel like constantly for work and he was a good dad, but he was just never there. So there's also that.

So there's all these little different facets that I feel has contributed to me being hyper independent. I'm very defensive. Like that is another issue that I've got. So all of these things are kind of leading me to lean more into my masculine than into my feminine. The way in which this can impact your life, especially in your relationships, is someone who isn't naturally in their masculine.

They're there because of trauma. Uh, they'll take over decision making. They will hold emotional responsibility for both people. They will resent their partners for not doing enough. They'll lose attraction because they're in this provider role. They'll crave support, but then push away and they'll test their partner's reliability constantly.

And I had mentioned also earlier how relationships can contribute to women than like poor relationships can contribute to women leaning into their masculine unnaturally. If a relationship makes a woman harden her masculinity, it's because she's constantly bracing for conflict. There's yelling, volatility, or walking on eggshells.

The partner weaponizes emotions or withdraws, she's expected to repair, chase or stabilize. Plans, boundaries or agreements are inconsistent. She gets punished for expressing her needs and she has to manage the household or emotional stability, often alone. And so women who are in these environments will not soften.

They'll just continue to harden, and they won't go into their feminine because it is a survival technique. Someone who's in a relationship where it softens her masculine or it brings out her feminine. So the partner is grounded, regulated, and consistent. There's accountability. Her emotions are met with presence, not punishment.

Leadership doesn't mean control. It's basically just support. Her boundaries are respected. She feels chosen through actions, and she isn't forced to shrink or hardened to be heard. So now we know how someone goes into the masculine and why, and like the healthy ways to be new masculine and the unhealthy ways.

Let's talk about how we can then. Move into our feminine if we are unhealthily leaning into our masculine. So the first step, which is very obvious, is to just rebuild safety. So feminine energy doesn't come out when you are in survival mode. You're to work on emotional safety, nervous system regulation, letting your body experience, I don't have to control everything and letting someone else meet you halfway instead of micromanaging everything.

So without the safety. There's. No softness. It's not gonna happen. So to do build safety, we want to do nervous system regulation, things like breath work. So five to 10 minutes of slow deep belly breathing, grounding exercises. So feeling your feet on the floor, noticing your body's contact with a chair or a bed.

Gentle stretches. Then we can also do movement for release yoga, Tai chi walks, anything that kind of lets your body release tension instead of holding it in. Then to try and build some emotional safety. Journaling is a good one. Safe spaces for vulnerability, so either a trusted friend, partner, or therapist where you can express yourself freely.

And internal self-talk. So I've spoken a lot about cognitive distortions and how they can impact your self-talk and the way you view the world. So it's about changing those and having positive internal self-talk. Another way to do this is to practice receiving so small daily acts of letting go. I'm bad at this, like I'm really bad in terms of I have to make the dinner and if like someone else is doing it and they're trying to do it a different way, or if I delegate and they do it wrong, I, it's like, it's so triggering for me.

I hate it. So small daily acts of letting go, so letting someone else make a decision about dinner. Letting someone else plan a weekend activity or handle a task that you would normally control. And then also accept help without overexplaining or over controlling. And then when you're experiencing this discomfort, so like when I experienced discomfort, when you know Daniel tries to help me cook, or the kids try help me cook, and I'm like, oh my God, what are you doing?

Notice it and then just kind of acknowledge it instead of trying to fix it immediately. And then obviously environment and lifestyle support. So reduce over stimulation. Get rid of your clutter. Get ready, your endless to-do list. Anything that's noisy or chaotic, get rid of that because it's gonna put you in your masculine.

Then rituals, do rituals that are gonna make you soft. So warm baths, candles, slow music, cozy spaces, things that are queuing your nervous system to make you feel safe. And then also focus more so on connection over productivity. So prioritizing meaningful interactions over constant doing. So once you've built this safe space, reli your safety, it's then important to encourage receptivity instead of force.

So you wanna be receptive, and we need to teach ourselves to pause instead of immediately solving a problem. To receive help without guilt, to let things happen, instead of forcing outcomes, instead of controlling the outcomes of things, and to check in with your body before making a decision. So instead of using your logical brain, feel like, feel, how it makes you feel to make that decision.

So you shift your decision making patterns. So you stop trying to control outcomes and just pause and see what kind of unfolds, and ask for input and actually listen to what someone's gonna say. So if you ask for someone's help or their opinion, sit and listen. Don't just go, no, you're wrong. Okay? And then practice again, small acts of letting go.

Then you wanna slow down and create space before acting, before you jump onto something, just pause and breathe. Think about it, and then wait for invitation. So feminine energy responds rather than initiate. So practice waiting for someone to reach out or for a situation to present itself instead. And then also try and soften your body.

So relax your shoulders, unclench your jaw. Allow more open posture. And then also share your feelings without demanding. So I'd love some help with this rather than, you need to do this for me. And that's another thing I struggle with. I'm like, you need to do this for me. Instead of saying, I would love for you to do this.

Oh, cute and stuff. Definitely try and reframe that and try step back from micromanaging so that others. Do the task, kind of make sure these are successful. Do some daily micro practices. So say yes whenever you're offered help even for small tasks. Let someone else pick out an activity or a song. So let someone else choose a song on the way to school, drop off, that kind of thing.

Uh, delegate one task completely. In one week and see what happens. Sit back during discussions and let others lead with solution. Accept compliments or gestures and don't discount them. And then obviously notice your impulse and control them. So when you're practicing on leaning back, make sure you are not overexplaining your needs.

You're not jumping to fix the problem and you're allowing for support. Obviously on fitness with Jade, we are a giant advocate for movement and movement being the. One of the key pillars of improving yourself and for personal growth, and one of the steps to becoming more feminine is reconnecting with your body.

And how do we reconnect with our body? So movement, movement, reconnects with your body, Pilates, yoga, walking, running, anything that you find joy in will reconnect you with this feminine breath work, as we've said, learning how to breathe meditation. Big one. Something I struggle to do personally. Then sensuality practices like, you know, women usually have this, you know, sexuality, sensuality about them, and it is important to, to kind of get in touch with that dress scent, touch things that make you feel grounded and feminine.

And I think I spoke about this in my glow up episode. It's finding something that makes you feel good, it makes you feel like the woman that you are. So you might be into baths, you might be into wearing really girly dresses. I love dressing up. It's like, hmm, one of the things I love to do, just something that makes you feel grounded and feminine.

Whatever that is for you, make sure you incorporate it and it will help you soften. Then it is learning to soften and express yourself without the fear of being vulnerable. So speak your feelings instead of facts. Be vulnerable. Connect instead of control and say what you actually think instead of filtering for efficiency.

So speak how you wanna speak, be the person that you want to be. Then the next step is to stop performing for validation. So women. Often who are in their masculine or they're trauma driven masculine, they're performing competence. So they believe that if they're not grinding, if they're not constantly working, then they don't have value.

And women like this grew up hearing, you're so strong, you're so mature for your age, you are the responsible one. You don't need help. You always figure it out. And then this praise is teaching these women that love is earned through performance worth is earned through your output. And then safety is obviously earned through strength.

This is the armor. So then this woman becomes a high achiever and organizer and tries to hold everything together. And what this woman actually secretly feels is if she stops doing this, will she be loved? Will someone choose her? Will she still be valued? Will people value her? So she will stop doing this when she feels appreciated for who she is, not what she does.

Her rest is celebrated and not judged. Her successes aren't the only moment she gets attention, and she's valued as a human being, not as this high functioning workaholic. And the more that this is kind of proven and shown, then it shows that she doesn't need to earn love and earn appreciation. She'll then start losing that grip on the masculine energy.

And then the last step is to reinforce the feminine qualities that you already have. So a women's softness, like I said, just doesn't really just disappear. It's been buried from being let down, carrying other people, making all the decisions, suppressing emotions, and just being the strong one. It's important to bring out qualities that are already living inside you.

So softness. It's the part that wants connection, gentleness, and being held. Then intuition, it's listening from inner guidance. Then we have warmth. So the part that loves deeply, gives openly, and then nurtures without resentment, and then creativity. The side that imagines dreams, field inspires and plays, and then surrender, which isn't submission.

It's not giving you power away, it's surrendering To trust the moment to trust herself and trusting her partner and trusting what life is giving her. And to get these qualities back, you gotta make space for emotion without punishment. Gotta slow down instead of escalating. Gonna meet with consistency, not chaos, show up without needing to be chased.

They need to lead without controlling. So how someone brings these qualities back to life. So another person can help you do this. So for an instance, if it's a partner, they can make space for emotion without punishment. They can slow down instead of escalating. They can meet you with consistency, not chaos.

They can show up without needing to be chased. They lead without controlling you. And they can hold during messy moments instead of demanding that you get it together. And so when this kind of stuff happens, it will help. All these natural qualities come out. I feel that this episode has gone on for a little while now, but I'm really passionate about it 'cause it's something that I'm truly trying to work on.

I feel like a big takeaway for this as well is that if you're in a relationship where you're just not allowed to be feminine and you're trying changing it and it's just not happening, maybe that's something you need to reevaluate. But most of the time I feel like. This is something that you can start changing if it's something that you want to do.

And I, for one, I'm gonna be implementing everything that I just spoke about. I hope that you enjoyed this episode, 'cause I really did. And don't forget to follow me on Instagram at Jade Palmer. I left the link obviously in the show notes, and please comment below if you've got any. Yeah, anything you wanna talk about during this episode or if you've got any tips on how you bring out your feminine, like what makes you feel feminine.

Until next time, I hope you have a Merry Christmas and bye.