Become UNAPOLOGETICALLY Confident

In this raw and powerful episode of Fitness With Jade, we break down what real confidence looks like and how to build it from the ground up, especially if you’ve been stuck in self-doubt, perfectionism, or people-pleasing. If you’ve ever felt like you're constantly starting over, ghosting your goals, or struggling to follow through, this is the episode you need.

Transcript

 Hey, hey, you're listening to the Fitness of Jade podcast, where I show you how to be that girl through movement, health, and wellness. In today's episode, I will be explaining how you can be unapologetically confident To do this, you must learn how to stay calm, stop overthinking and doing things before you are ready.

'cause most of the time, you're just never ever gonna feel ready. And I'm super excited to talk about this topic because I feel like. Since from a young age, I've been pretty confident within myself, and it is very much in its own way, just a front. So you've really just got to fake it till you make it, and then you'll start becoming confident in what you're doing.

And so, because I've been doing it for so long and I have this sense of arrogance that some people say that I have about me, I feel like I'm quite. The expert on this topic, and I'm ready to go through it with you and show you how you too can be unapologetically confident. So confidence isn't that loud, performative stuff, even though you do fake it till you make it.

It's gotta be more subtle than that, and it's the result of consistency and keeping promises to yourself. Through and through. And it's important because without confidence, we won't take that risk. We won't take that leap to become that girl, to become that person that we want to be. And without confidence, we don't speak up.

We shrink and yeah, we just become nothing. And we don't grow, which is what we don't want. And I feel like a major problem is because a lot of people just don't feel that they're good enough. So you've really gotta shift that mind frame to start believing in yourself and knowing that you are knowing.

Your worth. And the first way to start building up your confidence to create that unapologetic confidence is realizing that confidence is actually the output, not the input. And we're gonna start here because it's where most people actually get stuck. Confidence is not something you need to have before you act.

It's what you get because you've acted. The reason that so many people are stuck is because they're waiting around for their confidence to arrive. They think once I feel more confident, then I'll wear that bikini. Or once I feel more confident, I'll go to the gym. But the truth is, confidence actually comes after you've started doing those things not before.

It is this reward for showing up. It's the result of doing all that training, even when you don't want to, or even when you're scared. And that's because what's happening under the surface is your brain is building evidence. Every time you say you're gonna go do something and then follow through, your brain logs that as proof.

These logs of proof of evidence can be as simple as I said I was going to train today and I did, or I said I was gonna post content today. And even if it wasn't perfect, I did. I promised myself I'd get early and walk before the chaos and I kept that promise. I went for that walk. That is where your confidence comes from.

Not affirmations, not from someone else validating you. It is from the micro habits. And don't get me wrong, the affirmations help you visualize what you want and kind of set your brain into thinking about the goals that you want to achieve or the person that you want to become. However, actually having the confidence and growing that confidence and becoming that person I.

Does come in, the actions you take, not just writing them down or thinking about them, it's the physical actions that set it all into motion. What actually derails his confidence and makes you feel small is when your brain is logging the negatives. So for instance, if you're saying to yourself that you'd start meal prepping for the week, but then you didn't, or you said you're gonna rest, but then you just started doom scrolling, or you said you wanted to work out, but you canceled the workout and you never went.

So that's giving you more evidence. To the fact that you can't do those things rather than you can, and that's when self-doubt creeps in. And it's obviously not because you're not capable, it's because your own nervous system doesn't trust you and it doesn't have the evidence to believe that you can do it yet.

And obviously the good news is you can retrain your brain. It's malleable. Yeah. You can make it think and believe that you are those things and you don't have to make huge promises. It's all about those micro habits, which we've spoken about before. So you start small, you. Start with things that you can follow through on to gradually build that evidence.

It's like you're going to court and you're trying to throw someone in jail, but instead of throwing someone in jail, you're just becoming that amazing person. Uh, so you want to build up as much evidence as you possibly can to create the person you want to be and to exude confidence. You wanna go to court with the bloods, you wanna go to court with the statements, you wanna go to court with the evidence to CCTV.

You want all the evidence to stack up. So start rebuilding that inner trust, and that's how you actually create confidence. Because remember, it is the output, not the input. It's not a personality trait, it is a skill, something that you've got to learn and something that you can train just like any other muscle.

And because of this, it's accessible to anyone including you. Even if you've broken a million promises to yourself in the past, and even if you've stopped and started a hundred different fitness programs, none of this disqualifies you from growing your confidence. You can start again and you can rebuild that evidence, stack it one rep at a time, one day at a time, and you'll be amazed at how fast the energy shifts when you start following through, and it's obviously not gonna be perfect.

We said that no one's perfect in previous episodes. We all know that. But doing these habits consistently will be enough to prove to yourself that you can count on yourself, and that's the real confidence. It makes you become the person who trusts themselves. I. So now that you've got that understanding of what confidence actually is and what it takes to build it up, it's then time to start adding confidence in other layers and other aspects of your life.

So another key way of. Becoming confident is moving your body. So obviously there's days when I don't feel like training lately I cannot be bothered, I feel like, 'cause now I'm in a taper week. My Ironman 70.3 is coming up this weekend, this Sunday. Um. I love that for me. So I feel like because it's coming to a head and it's nearly over with, um, my motivation has plateaued a little bit and I feel that I'm ready to take on a new challenge, even though I haven't actually taken on this last challenge.

So I feel my head's a little bit in a funk at the moment, but even when I'm feeling tired and even when I'm feeling in this weird state, I know that I'm still training consistently and I know that I'm still doing enough. And this is because I know that confidence is not something that you think your way into.

I know that if I just completely stop training and stop moving my body before this event, it, it is a bad idea. I need to keep being consistent. And there's something that happens when you get out of your head and into your body. So once you start actually moving, when you physically show up for yourself, even when you don't feel like it like me, uh, even if it's just for a walk, even, like, it's just something really small, five, 10 minutes, it builds that trust that we've spoken about before and it's the foundation of confidence.

It's because when you actually move your body, you are sending yourself a message, is that you've got yourself, you are gonna show up for yourself. And that's powerful because as you know, the people that you feel are the most confidence shows in the way that they hold themselves when they enter a room.

It shows in the way that they walk, the way that they present themselves to strangers. Confidence is a physical experience. It's how you breathe, how you hold yourself, and you can build this through moving your body and becoming familiar with how your body likes to work. I feel like society's become very sedentary, and I do get that when you've got kids, a business partner, deadlines or laundry or whatever, it can just kind of feel like movement's gonna be put onto the back burner.

It's just another task to do, but it's really not. It's this reset button and it's what shifts your energy so that you can handle everything else with more presence and clarity within your day. And I'll say this, especially to the moms that are listening, you need this more than anyone, and I know this 'cause I'm a mom, okay?

You're constantly giving your time, your energy, your attention. You need a space to give back to yourself. And this is where movement comes in. And it will help you build that confidence back, even if it's in the garage with one AirPod in and your kids playing nearby. Even if you're dragging them along on your run and they're riding the bike next to you, even if it's walking a long way home from school.

After the school drop off, you're allowed to prioritize your body. And in fact, I really do believe that you have to, if you want to become more confident and become that girl to glow up. So obviously I am busy, everyone's very busy, and here's a simple framework that I use where I'm lacking motivation to move.

So I ask myself these three questions. So the first question is, what's the smallest thing that I can do today to feel stronger or more grounded? So maybe it's a 15 minute run, a 30 minutes Pilates session. Could be just stretching and breathing for five minutes in silence just before you get up and you deal with the kids, or you get up and get ready for work.

It doesn't matter. It's just more so about the momentum. Then the second question I ask myself is, what kind of energy do I need today and how can I move to create it? So if I'm feeling flat. Maybe I'll go lift something heavy. If I'm feeling anxious, I might go for a run and run out those jitters. If I'm feeling tired and I can't really be bothered, indoor trainer might be, you know, my choice of workout.

Choose what is going to help your energy at that time. And then the third question that I normally ask myself for this framework when I'm lacking motivation, is with the version of me I'm becoming. Skip this. So in one of my previous episodes I talked about, um, creating this ideal person, this avatar that you'd like to be like, you know, naming her Sarah or Veronica or whatever, and trying to become that avatar that you've created.

So, I guess think to yourself, would that avatar, that version of me. Skip this workout or skip this movement or skip the meal prep. And if the answer is no, then you should be doing it even if you don't feel like it. Because that's discipline, that's consistency, and that's how you build your confidence because ultimately confidence isn't about just simply believing in yourself.

Like I said, affirmations and all that stuff is good. However, it's the actions. That build up the evidence to prove to yourself that you'll keep showing up no matter what, and that creates that confidence and movement is the cleanest, most direct and honest way to do that. And you'll be surprised at how much changes when you stop waiting to feel confident and start moving like someone who already is.

Okay, so the next point is to speak to yourself like you would speak to your daughter or your child. So let's dive deeper into how, how we actually talk to ourselves. And this one is huge and it's often overlooked. And I guess it does go in hand in hand with the affirmations. So like I said, affirmations are still important.

You still need to do them. So we're really good at being kind and supportive to others, especially when it comes to other people that we love. But how we often treat ourselves isn't with the same compassion. So if you think about it for a second, how would your inner dialogue compare to how you would speak to somebody else?

What would your partner, your friends, or your daughter hear if you were talking to them the way that you talk to yourself? If you were constantly talking down to yourself, calling yourself lazy or weak, or saying things like, I'm not enough. How do you think that impacts your confidence? And if you said it to them, how would it impact theirs?

Like if your child gets something wrong for reading a book, let's just say, and they get a word wrong, you are not gonna call them an idiot. You are not gonna call them stupid. You are not gonna say you are not good enough. You can't read. You are not a reader. You would never ever say that. You would say, that's okay.

You are learning. Try again. Sound out the word. Break it down. Try again. Keep trying, keep building that confidence. You wouldn't shut them down. 'cause if you shut them down, they're not, they're not gonna wanna read. They're gonna stop reading. And it's the same thing when you're talking to yourself. If you get something wrong, let's just say, yeah, you missed one day of training.

If you say to yourself, you're an idiot, you're weak, you're lazy, you're fat, instead of, oh, I missed a day of training, that's okay. I'll do it tomorrow. That doesn't make me lazy. That means that I just needed a rest, or I didn't have time for it today, but I'll make up for it tomorrow instead of talking to yourself in this horrible tone, in this horrible voice.

Change it. Change it so that it's more of a growth mindset rather than shutting yourself down. And this is basically just the power of self-compassion. So it's before you start going on this loop, on this rant in your mind, when you get something wrong, you stop. Have a breath, and think about what is the best way to respond to this, and what is the best way to.

Talk to myself about this, to get myself to have that confidence to do it better next time. Because if you want to become unapologetically confident, you do have to start changing the way that you speak to yourself, because again, you wouldn't speak to someone you love like that. So why would you speak to yourself that way?

Think of it like this. Would you ever tell your daughter she's not strong enough to reach her goals, or she's not worthy of love, respect, or success? Of course not. So why would you do it to yourself? Yeah. And you are meant to be the number one. If you are not the number one. How can your daughter, your children, your partner, anyone close to you, respect you if you don't even respect yourself?

You need to put yourself first, because, I'm sorry, but being unapologetically confident is rooted in self-respect, and you can't build confidence by tearing yourself down and having no respect for yourself. It's just not how it works. You build confidence by speaking to yourself with the same encouragement, patience, and understanding you would give to someone you truly love.

So next time you mess up and get frustrated or feel insecure, ask yourself, what would I say to my children if they were in the same situation? Would you say this to them? And if the answer is no, then you stop. You. Stop that thought right there and replace it with something that uplifts you. The way that you talk to yourself is the foundation for your confidence.

So speak to yourself like your own best friend, because guess what you are. You're stuck with yourself forever. So you created those micro habits that give you that output, and you have started to move your body in a way that gives you more confidence and you've started speaking to yourself the way that you would want a loved one to speak to you, uplifting yourself.

So now what you'll need to do to become more confident is to own the room without shrinking in it or oversharing. So let's talk about something that's been a game changer for me because. Personally, I have been known to overshare a bit when I've had a little bit of wine, and we don't want that because you wanna own the room without shrinking or telling everyone your life story so unapologetic confidence doesn't need to be this loud, flashy, or attention seeking thing.

In fact, I'd really argue that true confidence is quiet. It's this quiet strength knowing who you are and owning that fully. It's not about dominating the conversation. It's about listening and talking when you feel like you need to talk, and it's not about proving your worth within these conversations either.

It's about being sure of yourself and not needing external validation. Now think about the last time you had a moment where you felt unsure or out of place, especially even at like a social event. Maybe it was walking into a new environment, a meeting at work, or just simply a social gathering out and about.

Think about how did you show up? Or did you shrink or did you try and blend in or start overexplaining yourself or your choices or telling everyone about your plans? And then when they told you it was a bad idea, you're telling them why it wasn't overcompensating, you know, showing all your insecurities.

And I get it. I've been there. I think everyone's been there In those situations where you felt like. You've had to overshare and explain why you made a choice or to justify why I was doing something. Yeah, justifying is a big one, but the truth is when you explain your boundaries, your choices, or your goals too much, you are giving away your power, and we want you to be powerful.

You're that girl, remember, so do not do that. Doing this shows that you are asking for permission and seeking approval where we don't do that. We make our own choices. 'cause that girl, she doesn't need to do that. She doesn't need to explain why she's taking a day off from training or why she's training.

She doesn't need to explain why she's focusing on self-care or why she's not attending a social event. She owns her own decisions without hesitation. And when you're clear on who you are and what you want, the world doesn't need an explanation. So have you ever been in a conversation with someone who exudes this self-assurance?

Someone who doesn't need to talk over everyone or justify every move. They're calm, they're focused, and they hold space for themselves without shrinking or coming across as arrogant. And that's the energy that we're talking about because this type of confidence is magnetic. We want you to become magnetic when you own that room without our sharing.

You show people around you that you value your time. Your energy and your choices and this respect is contagious and it grows your confidence. It's like saying, I know who I am and I don't need your approval, whoever you are, Phoebe, to feel good about it. And obviously this doesn't mean you need to be rude or standoffish or completely detached from the situation because it's obviously about balance.

You need to emotionally invest somewhat sometimes and obviously tell people, summing your plans that you need to converse with people. Obviously, just don't overdo it. It's about owning your space with grace and holding energy without needing to prove that you are worthy. And when you show up fully as yourself without this explaining or apologizing, apologizing is a big one for women.

Like even I catch myself saying, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry for things that I shouldn't even be apologizing for. Um, so yeah, that's one thing. Stop saying Sorry. Just do it. Stop saying, unless like you've really, truly hurt someone's feelings, there is no need to say, sorry. So if you've accidentally, I don't know, chosen the wrong restaurant or like, I dunno, here's an example.

If you wanna have Chinese for dinner and your partner wants to have Thai and you're like, I wanna have Chinese, sorry, that's an example where you don't need to say, sorry, you just say, I wanna have Chinese. So when you do this and you don't overcompensate, people will notice. They'll feel that grounded confidence and that will be your most magnetic quality.

And here's a simple test. The next time you have to say no to something, don't overexplain yourself. Just say, that doesn't work for me, and leave it at that. You don't have to say anything else. It's as simple as that. And that exudes the confidence that you want to have. It is an action that will build that confidence and watch how much more confident you'll feel when you don't need to justify your decisions.

Because remember, confidence isn't about making space for everybody else. It's about owning the space that you deserve. So yeah, we're up to our last point and I kind of briefly mentioned this in the intro, but it's faking it until you make it. Because I know a lot of women, especially those of us that want to show up real, uh, can seem a little bit off, a little bit fake.

And that's 'cause you're trying too hard. So when I say fake it till you make it, I don't mean be this caricature of who you want to be, it's giving those actions a go. Trying those things that you want to try Stepping your toes in the water or is it putting your toes in the water? That's saying dipping your toes in the water.

Okay. Because it's not about pretending to be someone you're not. It's about embodying the version of yourself you're becoming before you fully believe that you are her. So let me explain, 'cause I know it's a little bit convoluted. There was definitely a time when I was starting my Instagram that I did not feel confident.

I felt that I didn't really have the right for this voice to like be putting myself out there on social media. Well, more so it was, I thought I'd be judged for putting myself out there on social media. But after the first few goes, I started to just stop caring and yeah, I just started to embody the person that I wanted to be.

I was like, look, I wanna start posting for fitness. It started off with OCS content, so training for ocs. And when I started consistently posting, I started to believe that yes, I am becoming this fitness influencer slash fitness content creator. And that is me. That is who I'm becoming. So it's all about just doing it.

Literally, I've said it before, if you truly don't believe that you are that person yet, and you start doing the actions though, that embody that person that is faking it until you make it. And I knew that this version of me that I was working towards, that she didn't. Care about what people thought of every post.

She didn't walk into a room, uh, and wondered if she belonged. And I gotta say that's something that I never have actually struggled with. I've always been very good at stepping out of my comfort zone and walking into a crowded place or a new environment and feeling quite confident in myself. Um, I think a lot of that actually, I don't know, I think a little bit of my personality, I know I said confidence isn't personality, but.

That risk-taking kind of side is a little bit my personality, but I feel like the biggest thing that helped me in that regard was when I was a police officer. So learning how to pretend that you're actually not scared or apprehensive or anxious when stepping into an unfamiliar situation. I definitely learned that skill or honed in that skill when I was a police officer.

So yeah, when you are working towards this new person, you won't be wondering if you belong. He would just be showing up. You'll just be looking people in the eye and you'll be just doing what you wanna do. For instance, I started training like an athlete before I truly believed that I was an athlete. Now, I would say, yes, I'm an amateur athlete.

I would say that I know my worth. And I also ask myself every day, how am I gonna show up? How is this version of Jade gonna show up today? So faking isn't about lying. It's about borrowing the energy of the woman you want to be and walking like her, talking, like her training, like her, until your nervous system has fully caught up and you become her.

It's a bridge, a transition, and I can vouch that it works because confidence isn't a switch. Like I said, it's a muscle. It is forming those habits over time, and like any muscle, you need to train it before it becomes strong, before it turns into that, you know, chiseled. Thing that you want. You don't wait to feel confident.

'cause if you wait, you don't have the input to have the output of confidence. Like I said, confidence is the output, not the input. So what does this look like practically? So it means simple things like dressing, like you respect yourself. So even on days you're tired and not feeling it. So dressing the part if you want to be a successful business owner or like, you know, in the, you know, the stock market or whatever, dress the part.

'cause if you dress like a bum, people aren't going to see you as that person. If you want to be that fitness influencer or that athlete dress like one dress, like how you think a fitness influencer or athlete would dress, then it's also about speaking up in that meeting when you don't really want to, when you think it's the most terrifying petrifying thing ever, or pitching to that brand call, pitching to brands.

Even if you feel like your voice is gonna shake, send that email. What's the worst that's gonna happen? They're gonna say no, and if you haven't sent it, they've said no anyway. Who cares? And then also walking into a gym like you belong there. So if you get a bit anxious walking into the gym, these other people that are working out around you have all their own insecurities and they're too self-involved who even really think about you.

So walk in there like you belong there because you do. And every time that you do that, every time you make a decision from a place of who you're becoming, not from your old patterns or fears, you rewire your identity, you become that girl. And here's the best part, no one can tell the difference because people don't see yourself doubt.

They see the energy that you're putting out, the confidence, your intention. They see how you carry yourself. And when you carry yourself like a new version that's confident already whole and already winning, you fast track that transformation. So yeah, that is how you become unapologetically confident.

Make sure you follow me on my Instagram, which is Jade Palmer. If you love this episode, please make sure you rate the show a five star and also please feel free to comment and uh, give me some little tidbits 'cause I would love to hear from you, your thoughts on the podcast. And if you have any questions that you want me to address, that'd be awesome too.

Have a little bit of back and forward. It would be great. That's all we've got time for today. But yeah, I hope you have a lovely week and I will definitely keep you updated on my Ironman 70.3, which is happening this Sunday. Check out my socials for the full update on that. But yes, it's gonna be great.